I don’t always see myself as others see me and throughout my life I’ve been my toughest critic. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized the deep extent of my poor self-image.
I have battled my negative self-talk as long as I can remember and I’ve learned to deal with it the best I can. I’ve been able to keep my feelings fairly contained, and, to my knowledge, no one saw past my confident, outgoing exterior.
The truth is, I wouldn’t treat a dear friend like I treat myself sometimes. With maturity, long-term loving relationships, becoming a mom and a successful teaching career, I have developed a fair amount of self-confidence, but this didn’t really translate into self-compassion.
The real impetus that put me onto the path of self-compassion was when I Iooked in a mirror and uttered, “I hate myself.” Out loud. In front of other people. And there it was. I had just had a difficult conversation with a friend that I really cared about. The conversation didn’t go as planned, at all, and I felt as if I really screwed up.
I’ve read that shame can’t survive the light of day (Brene Brown). That, once we talk about our feelings and shine a light on them, they tend to have less power and control over us.
In my case, this vulnerable moment was just what I needed to begin a process of healing and learning about the importance of self-compassion. Even though this was a very difficult time, I’m grateful that it’s brought me to where I am today.
“When we give ourselves compassion, we are opening our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.”
I’m happy to share what I’ve learned and excited to continue my journey!
I just signed up for an e-course with Brene Brown and Kristen Neff on self-compassion. Brene’s work and her words have been so helpful to me. I’ve read several of her books and taken one of her e-courses. She’s smart and compassionate, and her work is research-based, which really appeals to me. You’d think I worked for her (I wish!), but I’m just a fan!
Here’s the link for Brene Brown’s courses if you are interested:
Take care and Be All There!
5 thoughts on “A Lesson in Self-Compassion”
I never thought u felt that way, u always come across very confidant, strong, and empowered woman. I always admire you and to tell u the truth i can relate myself to what u went through.I am sure your article helps so many women including myself to be less judgmental and overly critical. You r so right with age and life experiences we learn a lot from ourselves. Please keep on writing i always enjoy your articles.
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Thanks Raheela. I think the same of you!
Next time you look in the mirror say, I’m beautiful, kind, strong, compassionate, talented, and caring. Believe it, because it’s true my friend!!!
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AND, I have a beautiful, kind, strong, compassionate, talented and caring friend. Thanks Trudi!
Thanks for the reminder. xoxoxo