Making New Habits (Mindful Shopping)

shopping

Old habits and routines are hard to break. I used to go shopping at least one day a week, usually on the weekend, and most of the time I didn’t really need anything.

My routine was the same. I would be on the hunt for one or two things, like the perfect shirt or home good. I liked to canvass the entire store, check out what was new, take a closer look at some things along the way, and I was sure to check out the sale items. I didn’t miss anything! 

These days I don’t go shopping unless I really need something or just to tag along with someone else. I spend my time and money doing other things.

But old habits are hard to break. I’ve been in my small house for a few months now and I felt I needed to create more storage space in my cabinets by putting some items in baskets. My plan was to take a few of the lighter things out of the drawers in a dining room hutch, put them into decorative baskets and put them on top of the hutch. This would free up some drawer space for other things.

I knew exactly which baskets I wanted to buy, too. They were dark brown and rectangular shaped, with a lid. My daughter and I went to a craft store where I had seen them before. I was excited to find exactly what I was looking for!

And then I started to second guess myself. Perhaps the baskets should be a little bigger. After all, if they were going to free up some cabinet space, the more space freed up, the better, right? What am I even making room for? All of my stuff fits in my cabinets now and I’m not planning on buying a bunch of new stuff. This minimalism thing is really working for me. What was I thinking?

After talking things through with my very patient daughter, I realized that I didn’t need the baskets to free up more space since I didn’t need more space. We left the store empty-handed and grateful that we didn’t have to wait in the long check out line.

I think we are so conditioned to shop, buy things and create more space for more things that we’re not even mindful of what we’re doing. It just becomes routine and automatic.

Thinking things through and being mindful of my purchases is a new way of thinking and being. And I like it!

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Liberation is the Opposite of Perfection

liberation is the opposite of perfection

“Liberation is the opposite of perfection.”

I’m not sure when I first heard this quote or who said it, but it really struck a chord with me. I think of it often when I get stuck on how experiences have to be, how I must look or how relationships have to play out.

Most of the time, I can talk myself through a given situation by using some of the positive habits I’ve developed over the last few years and not feel like a failure if things aren’t perfect. I’ve even learned to cherish some of the times that things aren’t exactly as planned, since they often lead to some pretty interesting and awesome unexpected results. It’ feels rewarding when this happens and when I notice that loosening my grip had something to do with it.

As I was planning my Thanksgiving dinner, I realized that consumerism  and perfectionism are a match made in heaven. We keep buying things until we feel that what we have is perfect. With an infinite number of options, we are able to purchase the right outfit for the right occasion, the right beauty products for the right season, and even the right tableware for each  holiday.

I’m not  opposed to being festive and colorful during the holiday season, but I have decided that my Thanksgiving dinner will be wonderful because of the people around the table, not because I have the perfect turkey cocktail napkins.

Using what we have, buying only what we need and purchasing multi purpose items reduces the stuff we own and simplifies our life. By simplifying our lives, we have more time to do what we love with the people that we love.

I’m so grateful that I’ve been simplifying my life and that I’ve gotten to the point that the desire to keep it simple is greater than the need to be perfect! It is liberating!

 

 

 

What’s Under All of Our Stuff?

It’s been a year of do-ing. We sold our big house and did a major remodel on a house less than half its size. We sold, donated or discarded most of our stuff, except for the contents of one container of things that we weren’t sure we wanted or would fit in our small home once we placed the furniture that we were definitely keeping. That container was a source of comfort, at first, but quickly became a source of stress. Deep down I knew we’d have to get rid of most of its contents,  since these things wouldn’t fit in our new space. I scheduled a pick up date for the container so that we would have a deadline to have it emptied.  We pared down yet another bunch of stuff, kept only what we wanted and would fit in our tiny loft storage, and met our deadline.

We are continuously organizing what we decided to keep and have been working on creative storage solutions for our living space. This has actually been interesting and fun! It’s also been an exercise in patience. It takes time to fully understand and identify a need, since it’s based on our family’s habits over time. Once the need is determined, I try to figure out an attractive, useful, space-saving system that works. For example, instead of a bulky desk in the corner of our dining room to store some office supplies, we are going with open boxes made of left over reclaimed lumber that hang on the wall. The office supplies will be tucked into attractive baskets that slide into the boxes.

The do-ing has finally slowed down and I’ve had more time to just, “be.” Minimalism can expose emotions we didn’t know we had or new feelings can arise from living in a smaller space with less stuff.  

I couldn’t even identify or put into words what I was feeling at first, I just felt out of sorts and cranky. I finally realized that I needed some down time after work and quiet time, in general, to think and process what I was thinking and feeling. In our bigger home, time to myself was automatic, given the amount of space we had. Oftentimes, I would be in our bedroom reading and my husband would be two floors down watching television. Or one of us would be starting dinner while the other one would be sitting on the porch. We always looked forward to a family dinner together and spending the rest of the evening in the same space.

With less physical boundaries creating separate space for alone time, I’ve had to communicate my needs and have had to learn how to be alone while sharing the same space.  As I write this post, my daughter is watching football and my husband is lighting a fire after working outside for a few hours. We are all in the same space, doing our own thing. It works!

What’s under all of our stuff? I guess it depends on what we make of it. I decided to plant grass seed in the bare spot left from where the storage container sat in our front yard.
under all our stuff

Saving Things is a Such a Waste!

garage
As many of you know, I’ve been minimizing for several years and preparing to move into a much smaller home. As the move gets closer, I have been digging a little deeper into my stuff to decide what will make the cut.

I was putting off going through my attic, basement and garage because I knew it was in these dark places that I had my deepest memories, hopes and dreams tucked away.

As I sifted through the past 50 years of my life, I experienced a range of emotions, but it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.

What I found surprised me. There were things that I had forgotten about, were no longer my taste and were damaged because they were improperly stored. I felt sad that some of my things that had sentimental value didn’t get the care and attention they deserved, but I have to let these feelings go, learn from them and move on.

I’ve learned three things from this experience:

  1. If you don’t have an immediate use for something, don’t hold onto it.
  2. If you want to keep things that have sentimental value, by all means, do! Just be sure to store them properly to protect them and keep them clean and dry, or better yet, don’t store them at all. Keep them where you can see and touch them every day!
  3. Holding onto things can be a waste of time, money, space and energy.

Chances are good that your taste will change, your needs will change, or you will not even remember that you have saved these items, if and when a need arises. If you’re like me, when you need something you go shopping in a store or online, not in your basement, attic or garage!

As I was clearing out these spaces I noticed so many things that I no longer used and stored away, “just in case” or for future use. I spotted a light fixture that I had forgotten all about. By the time I rescued it from deep in my attic it was no longer usable and I had to discard it rather than donate it.

I found some old furniture in my garage that I have held onto for many years because it had sentimental value. I had hoped to use it some day when I had the space and the perfect place for it. Unfortunately, it had gotten water damaged and could no longer be used.

But I also found my wedding dress from 1984! It was perfectly stored in the box from the dry cleaner, with a little see through window. I’m not sure my daughter will be interested in using it in the future, and that’s fine (it IS from the 80’s), but at least she’ll have that option.

 

Let it Go

I’ve been parting with a lot of stuff lately. We are downsizing, and so out of necessity and by choice, we have gotten rid of many physical things we no longer find useful. So far it’s been fairly easy to do and even quite liberating!

But I know I’m not ready to part with some things. And that’s OK.

As I was folding the laundry this morning I came across one of our towels. Instead of folding the thinning, blue- floral towel and putting it in the linen closet with the other towels like I’ve done many times before, this time was different. I held it close, folded it, draped it over a chair in my bedroom and smoothed it out.

Hair Towel.jpg

This was not just any towel, it was the “hair towel” that my mom used, the one that I used as a teenager, the one that I took into my adult life and the one that my daughter now uses all the time because, well, it’s the best “hair towel.”

It got its name from my mom because it’s thinner and smaller than other towels (the “body towels”), perfect for wrapping up wet hair on top of our heads after a shower. I never really gave it a second thought until now, but it has certainly earned some notoriety.

And so I think I’ll leave it smoothed out over my bedroom chair for a while so I can take a moment to focus on where that towel has been and decide whether I want to get it made into a pillow. 🙂

Deciding when, if and how to let go of physical things can be challenging, but letting go of old emotional patterns can be daunting. You know the ones, fear, self-doubt, grief, anxiety, sadness.

Most of the time I’m able to focus on gratitude and presence, but I do have moments, days, and even weeks of feeling less grounded than I’d like to be. Not really sure what precipitates these feelings but I’ve learned that trying to figure that out gives the negative emotions more room to set up camp and a tighter grip that keeps me from my self-care routine.

So I have to let them go.

I read a quote earlier today in Flow Magazine by German professor and author Wilhelm Schmid. He said,

“Telling yourself you have to be happy mainly results in being disappointed when you aren’t. A far better idea is to focus on what you are doing and experiencing, and to let go more.”

Reading this today really helped me since it made me realize that, rather than get pulled into a negative emotional whirlpool, sometimes it makes sense to just,

Let

It

 Go.

Less is More

cuckoo clock1

As you may or may not know (thinking you know by now), I’ve been leaning into minimalism for a few years.

Less stuff in my cabinets, less clutter on my shelves and counters, less clothes, less on my calendar, less in my diet and less living space as we downsize to a smaller home.

I have more space in my cabinets and closets, more calmness from clutter free surroundings, more time in my calendar to spend time doing meaningful things and when we move into our smaller home, I will have a home that is more suitable to our lifestyle.

I’ve noticed lately that my weekends actually seem like extended periods of time off. I have the time to do what I need to do AND want to do, like socialize and relax.

Weekends don’t seem to fly by like they used to.

This morning my husband and I carved out a few hours to visit my friend’s daughter’s bakery. We heard she had some vegan items on the menu and were pretty excited to check it out! As we were driving home from breakfast, we passed several neighborhood garage sales.  I realized that I had no interest whatsoever to stop and browse. Come to think of it, I rarely spend time shopping at all. I used to spend at least a few hours each weekend roaming the aisles of one store or another. Now, I only shop when I need something.

Less IS more!

 

Creating S P A C E for Me

cairn

The more curious and open to learning new things I’ve become the more I’ve realized that creating space can make some positive changes.

Space in my closets

Means that I don’t have to spend time picking through outfits that don’t fit, are out of style or aren’t flattering.

I donate clothing on a continuous basis and strictly adhere to the “one in, one out” rule: I don’t buy a new item of clothing unless I get rid of one first. This keeps my closet under control as I continue to figure out my style and what works for me. I’ve gotten many tips from Courtney Carver on how to pare down my wardrobe, and hope to get up the courage for Project 333, her minimalist fashion challenge course (https://bemorewithless.com/project-333/), soon.

Space in my cabinets

Means that I use what I love and nothing goes to waste.

I’ve eliminated duplicates, use quality items and waste less food (hiding at the bottom of my freezer or in the back of my cabinets).

Space on my countertops

Means that clean ups are easier.

Less clutter makes me feel more relaxed.

Space in my social calendar

Means that I have time to do what is meaningful to me.

I’d rather give more time and attention to fewer things than rush through an overwhelming social calendar.

Space in conversations

Means that I am a better listener and that I am able to respond rather than react.

I used to let my emotions get the best of me and feel the need to react immediately. Oftentimes, after thinking about a previous conversation, I would see things in a different way and even regret some things that I’ve said. Although I’m still working at this, I feel like I am able to provide a more thoughtful response rather than an immediate reaction.  Sometimes, “sleeping on it” really does make a difference when it comes to emotions!

Space from TV and internet

Means that I am more engaged in mind and body activities (rather than things that are mind numbing).

I was raised on TV and admit that watching television is one of my favorite pastimes, but by watching less I can do more things, especially things from my self-care routine (like yoga and meditation), that have more lasting positive effects. Since it’s easier to pick up the remote after a long day, this can be challenging for me. What has worked for me lately is reducing my screen time slowly or putting my phone out of sight for a few hours or even an entire weekend.

Creating space means

More time

More quality

More calm

More meaning

More presence

More thoughtfulness

More creativity

More self-care

More gratitude

More love

More ME